Sunday 3rd March 2019 – Diary
I have self-harmed. I have tried suicide and I can’t even manage that correctly.
I have been diagnosed as:
With symptoms consistent with depressive illness including thoughts of self harm and suicide, features of anxiety including panic attacks, agoraphobia and distressing flashbacks. To have a severe mixed personality disorder with features of Schizotypal, paranoid and anti-social personality disorders and more recently diagnosed with EUPD (Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder).
Diagnostic threshold for all three severe personality pathology subscales of schizotypal avoidant, depressive and masochistic (self-defeating) personality traits and dependent and negativistic personality pathology….”
At the same time I have become an anorexic and have not eaten solid food for 29 weeks.
Basically, there is no hope for me.
I am male, 39, single.
Wednesday 6th March 2019 – 09:30 – Diary
What I hate about emotionally unstable personality disorder and the other personal disorders that I’ve got is as following
I think for me it’s emotional cause I got emotional unstable personality disorder so one minute I could be friendly and then the next minute pushing away but I don’t mean to as the saying goes a push is better than a shove. Or another way of putting it go before your thrown out I fear rejection more than anything else.
My emotions go from high, I’m excited with happiness to all of a sudden Sadness in a blink of an eye. It hurts a lot.
25th February 2019 – Diary
This is how I am feeling at the moment, hiding. Hiding from the real world.
Friday 22nd February 2019 – Diary
Recently I have only understood why people cut themselves. I thought it was just wanting Attention.
But as I have started to cut myself it is not for attention but an attempt to try and ease mental unease.