Mental Health Diagnosis

Sunday 3rd March 2019 – Diary

I have self-harmed. I have tried suicide and I can’t even manage that correctly.

I have been diagnosed as:

With symptoms consistent with depressive illness including thoughts of self harm and suicide, features of anxiety including panic attacks, agoraphobia and distressing flashbacks. To have a severe mixed personality disorder with features of Schizotypal, paranoid and anti-social personality disorders and more recently diagnosed with EUPD (Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder).

Diagnostic threshold for all three severe personality pathology subscales of schizotypal avoidant, depressive and masochistic (self-defeating) personality traits and dependent and negativistic personality pathology….”

At the same time I have become an anorexic and have not eaten solid food for 29 weeks.

Basically, there is no hope for me.

I am male, 39, single.


Emotional Unstable Personality Disorder (E. U. P. D.)

Wednesday 6th March 2019 – 09:30 – Diary

What I hate about emotionally unstable personality disorder and the other personal disorders that I’ve got is as following

I think for me it’s emotional cause I got emotional unstable personality disorder so one minute I could be friendly and then the next minute pushing away but I don’t mean to as the saying goes a push is better than a shove.  Or another way of putting it go before your thrown out I fear rejection more than anything else.

My emotions go from high, I’m excited with happiness to all of a sudden Sadness in a blink of an eye.  It hurts a lot.

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Research; Men & Eating Disorders

Friday 22nd February 2019 – Diary

Trigger Warning,

Today, I have had a part successful day. Also part failure. I got out of my bed at 10:00 in the morning. I did not sleep well as normal.

I went and collected my medication and then went to drop a note off to my GP explaining that I was texting my Care Coordinator also referred to as CPN or Mental Health Nurse. They have not been replying to any of my messages and that is why I have begun cutting. I have no one to talk to and I am fed up with my noise in the head.

I was going to an organisation who helps vulnerble people. Then I sent an angry message to my CPN and Psycharist. The Psycharist replied which I was suprised because I thought she was off on holiday.

She told me to go straight to her and speak with her. She spent a while listening to me and understanding how lost of my son and the lost of my wife has had an impact upon me.

I told her that I was concerned about how my lack of eating is. She is concerned that I am hoping that the Eating Disorder team will solve my problems. She suggested that actually my experiences may ‘freak’ them out as they are very unlikely to have seen such a case as mine. She said that most of their patients will be women and adolescents.

According to the Guardian newspaper there has been a slight increase in men in my age group 26 – 40. They state that 67% of men in my age group have identified as having an eating disorder.

“The rate of increase was slightly higher among older men, at 70% for the 41-60 age group, compared with 67% in the 26-40 category and 63% among 19- to 25-year-olds. In the same period, there was a 61% increase among women aged 19 to 25 and a 76% rise among middle-aged women.” (Guardian, 1st July 2017 [online] 22/02/2019

I missed my appointment with the organisation in Croydon. However, I went to Croydon to buy my bits and pieces. I was dforced to spend just under two hours arguing with Ebay about changing my mobile number on my account. I am 90% deaf. I lost my mobile. I was transferred three times, an hour and and 20 minutes later I was finally put through to a manager as I still had not had my problem sorted out. I was told to ring. If I am deaf, get family or friends to ring! I told the man on the chat, I do not have family or friends to help me. So I went around in circles. I then relied on Text Relay. https://www.ngts.org.uk/  to handle my call. As I can speak the operator texts me the other persons response to me. I was not shy in giving the Ebay manager a good telling of. Eventually, after being on the call for one hour and fifty seven minutes I got the mobile number changed.

I was and still am very upset in the the way they treated me. I was disrespected and my inabilities were completely ignored. It is very distressing for someone who has my type of mental health issues to be treated in this way. We can be told “it is our responsibility how we react”. But companies and people need to be aware of Mental Health Matters.

Part of me agrees that the Eating Disorder team may not be able to cope with my problems. But is it right that I am not getting any talking therapy? I cannot simply rely on helplines. I am not prepared to repeat my story all the time.

References:

https://www.theguardian.com/society/2017/jul/31/eating-disorders-in-men-rise-by-70-in-nhs-figures

https://www.ngts.org.uk