Friday 19th April 2019 – Diary
Today I’ve been working on my blog and updating it. I have been busy doing this and did not notice my feelings.
I am lonely I wish I had someone with me that loved me for who I am. Normally I would be busy talking to my adopted daughter but she’s not online at the moment. Out of all the people on my list on Facebook there’s no one to talk to. It’s sad that I rely on social media to keep me content but I do not know any other way.
I am avoiding doing necessary tasks like cleaning my flat I don’t want to start but I know I should. I know I will get angry with myself for failing to do this but it seems such a big effort for little reward.
I am going to go to my writers group tonight it’s in the Jailhouse bar, my very first night going to this group was in this place and it took me forever to find it.
How can I win over my negativity? I must remain positive in my way of thinking.
Sunday 3rd March 2019 – Diary
I have self-harmed. I have tried suicide and I can’t even manage that correctly.
I have been diagnosed as:
With symptoms consistent with depressive illness including thoughts of self harm and suicide, features of anxiety including panic attacks, agoraphobia and distressing flashbacks. To have a severe mixed personality disorder with features of Schizotypal, paranoid and anti-social personality disorders and more recently diagnosed with EUPD (Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder).
Diagnostic threshold for all three severe personality pathology subscales of schizotypal avoidant, depressive and masochistic (self-defeating) personality traits and dependent and negativistic personality pathology….”
At the same time I have become an anorexic and have not eaten solid food for 29 weeks.
Basically, there is no hope for me.
I am male, 39, single.
Wednesday 6th March 2019 – 09:30 – Diary
What I hate about emotionally unstable personality disorder and the other personal disorders that I’ve got is as following
I think for me it’s emotional cause I got emotional unstable personality disorder so one minute I could be friendly and then the next minute pushing away but I don’t mean to as the saying goes a push is better than a shove. Or another way of putting it go before your thrown out I fear rejection more than anything else.
My emotions go from high, I’m excited with happiness to all of a sudden Sadness in a blink of an eye. It hurts a lot.