Sunday 3rd March 2019 – Diary
I have self-harmed. I have tried suicide and I can’t even manage that correctly.
I have been diagnosed as:
With symptoms consistent with depressive illness including thoughts of self harm and suicide, features of anxiety including panic attacks, agoraphobia and distressing flashbacks. To have a severe mixed personality disorder with features of Schizotypal, paranoid and anti-social personality disorders and more recently diagnosed with EUPD (Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder).
Diagnostic threshold for all three severe personality pathology subscales of schizotypal avoidant, depressive and masochistic (self-defeating) personality traits and dependent and negativistic personality pathology….”
At the same time I have become an anorexic and have not eaten solid food for 29 weeks.
Basically, there is no hope for me.
I am male, 39, single.
Friday 8th March 2019 – Diary
I deplore myself because I’ve got Emotionally Unstable Personality Dsorder (eupd).
I grab that anyone who makes contact with me is this the person that could just be the one that changes my life and becomes my soul mate?
Eupd is irrational, it makes the sufferer “grab’ at the slightest tiniest piece of hope and it makes them worry. Have I said too much to that person?
Do they think I am worthy of their love, their care, their presence? We think negatively about ourselves am I not worthy of their loved or their time and so on.
How do We Overcome these negative tendencies that crippled our lives?
Wednesday 6th March 2019 – 09:30 – Diary
What I hate about emotionally unstable personality disorder and the other personal disorders that I’ve got is as following
I think for me it’s emotional cause I got emotional unstable personality disorder so one minute I could be friendly and then the next minute pushing away but I don’t mean to as the saying goes a push is better than a shove. Or another way of putting it go before your thrown out I fear rejection more than anything else.
My emotions go from high, I’m excited with happiness to all of a sudden Sadness in a blink of an eye. It hurts a lot.