Proud of myself

Tuesday 14th May 2019 – Diary

On Sunday I met this is beautiful Chinese lady by chance on the Tube (London Underground). She was so beautiful my type of woman. We quickly talked and I gave her my Instagram.

I am just dying for her to contact me now. She is doing a film degree. Amazing!

Yesterday! I ate 95% pot of Congee, Rice Porridge. This is the first time I succeeded.

 

 

Mental Health Diagnosis

Sunday 3rd March 2019 – Diary

I have self-harmed. I have tried suicide and I can’t even manage that correctly.

I have been diagnosed as:

With symptoms consistent with depressive illness including thoughts of self harm and suicide, features of anxiety including panic attacks, agoraphobia and distressing flashbacks. To have a severe mixed personality disorder with features of Schizotypal, paranoid and anti-social personality disorders and more recently diagnosed with EUPD (Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder).

Diagnostic threshold for all three severe personality pathology subscales of schizotypal avoidant, depressive and masochistic (self-defeating) personality traits and dependent and negativistic personality pathology….”

At the same time I have become an anorexic and have not eaten solid food for 29 weeks.

Basically, there is no hope for me.

I am male, 39, single.


Hate Body Image

Friday 8th March 2019 – Diary

Trigger Warning

I suffer from an eating disorder called Avoidant Reluctant Food Intake Disorder (ARFID) when stressed the suffer finds it difficult to eat.

It’s started I was feeling nauseous when I tried to eat. I then stopped eating. Then I have seen how my weight has been reducing. I have started counting calories and carbs. Yesterday I was trying to walk up a hill. I bought packet of biscuits. I ate three. As soon as I got to the top I vomited. I am still extremely fat. I need to lose another 10 kg before I can even consider anything. I am tired.