Why I Self-Harm?

Wednesday 21st February 2019
Posted on Wednesday 21st February 2019

Trigger Warning

As you all know, I lost my court case to see my son more often. On Tuesday passed divorce proceedings were started against me.

I feel that I am a total failure and useless. I feel ugly and I hate the way I look the way I talk the sound of my voice.

Tuesday was an extremely difficult day for me it was the 13th anniversary when I met my then wife.

My memories flow back to have those days were. Happy, joyful, excited, caring and loved.

Now however I am so miserable and isolated. Filled with anger. It’s my fault that I’m in the situation I must take responsibility.

The pain that I’m feeling is excruciating and scary. At night, I am scared the smallest sound triggers me and memories flood in.

Last night was my first night, in which, I cut myself deliberately. It helps the mental pain, briefly.

I have relapsed with my eating. I am now taking no smoothies or soup, so in effect I am starving myself because I hate how I feel and how I look.

My ex constantly told me off for how fat I had become and when I was over 100kg she would say “you’re one-tenth of a tonne”. I know she meant it as a joke and it’s like my jokes, but it hurt. I am so isolated that I want to die.

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